Choosing the Right Mate

Question: Which mate should I choose, I love them both, 

A:You wrote of your difficulty knowing which boyfriend to choose. Perhaps you might need to think through what love really is, and what marriage really is.

This is a very good question. The first thing you have to ask yourself is what kind of love are you thinking of. In today's world love is used as a synonym for lust, the selfish desire to satisfy oneself. This is an emotion, and is harmful to yourself and others.

The Christian understanding of love is that of genuinely caring for someone else. Love wants the very best for another person.

Paul the apostle wrote a great explanation of love in First Corinthians chapter 13. I encourage you to read this chapter.

I visited Corinth some years ago, and on top of the hill overlooking the city, there once stood a temple to the goddess of love, and there were hundreds of temple girls who were nothing more than prostitutes for the use of the 'worshippers' of this goddess. Paul understood the culture of Corinth and told the followers of Jesus; that the real meaning of love was about others not themselves.

So to answer your question, when you begin to feel sexual attraction to someone, that is an emotion. God designed sex to be a wonderful enjoyment between a man and a woman who are married to each other for life.

Love is a verb. It is something you do. It is not a feeling, it is when you feel you must do what is needed to help or make someone else happy, of meet their need in some way.

When you meet someone and feel you want to spend your life making them happy and safe, and at the same time feel attracted to that one sexually, it may be the time to consider marriage to that person.

True love must be reciprocal, each wanting the best for the other. It needs time and patience to be sure you know and really care for him. Then after marriage you spend your life for that person, in good times and bad times, you stick together and help each other.

Finally you need to be very sure that the one you choose, really cares for you and no one else. If he is not looking only at you, for life, your marriage will not bring happiness, but great pain. Marriage is both of you caring for one another for life, in good times and bad.

Make your decision based on what the man you choose has as his values and goals for life. Do they match what you want for life?


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